I can’t say I really believe in God or Heaven (or the like) with any degree of certainty, but if there is a such a place, I sincerely hope it’s an endless library with every work of art and literature that has ever been created. And that it also comes with comfy chairs.
I’ve accepted Cal Poly’s Offer of Admission. This weekend I will be visiting Berkeley’s campus while I make my final decision and mull over things for a few more days. I’ve talked to the admission reps at each school so I can still withdraw if something comes up.
I feel somewhat proud, somewhat happy, somewhat sad, somewhat guilty, and somewhat of an asshole for being “that guy” who got into Berkeley. I’ve tried to be humble and not to rub it in people’s faces, especially since a lot of people would love to have the option of going to Cal. But I am well known at ARC among the STEM majors, so naturally word spread fairly quickly and I received many unexpected congratulations and inquiries as to if I had registered with Berkeley yet. Somewhat amusing.
I also told my Statics professor, Dr. Bell of my acceptance right in front of my friend Megan (who really wanted to get in, also for ME, but was denied). This is mostly what I feel bad about. It wasn’t intentional that I told him with her present, it just sort of happened that way and then I realized she was right there. I’m sure she is fine, but I still feel bad about it and I wasn’t really sure what to say. I’m not great at consoling people. It’s hard to honestly say “Sac State or UC Davis is a great school!” when comparing with Berkeley. They are great schools, obviously. But there is a reason why Berkeley is at the top of the list for most people.
So yeah. I should feel more excited, but decisions have never come easily to me, and this one has weighed heavily on my mind over the last few days/weeks. I suppose there is a reason for everything and the hard work I have put in over the last four years has allowed me these choices. Now I just have to choose.
Accepted to UC Berkeley! 5/5 on my applications. Top choices: Berkeley, UCLA, Cal Poly SLO.
This decision is incredibly difficult, compounded by the fact that my Statement of Intent to Register for Cal Poly is due this Thursday, May 1st. Research, research, and more research through the next week and then maybe I’ll be closer to a decision.
It never fails. I spend my break thinking I am ahead of the game, and of course the night before I have return to school, I always remember that one assignment I totally forgot about for the entirety of break, up until a few minutes before I was going to go to bed. Great.
Cat-Sitting (Pasha the Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat)
I’ve been house sitting for a particular family for the last few years and I’ve loved it. However, their cat has been getting very aggressive lately, or at least I don’t recall him being this pushy before. He really craves attention, probably because he’s alone quite a bit, and will bring me things from around the house. Of course, I pet him and occasionally play with him. However, if I should ignore him, he’ll start to bite at the legs (which also happens when he gets too excited and runs around too much). If I try and lock him out of the guest room to get some sleep, he’ll literally jump at my chest with claws extended. And then meow ruthlessly in the middle of the night while I’m trying to sleep. This cat is nuts. Thank God he can’t open doors (yet).
Is it too much to ask for arranged relationships? Like mutual friends set up something? Jesus I’m awkward as fuck around cute girls I don’t know well.
I’m also at a stage in my life where I have a lot of opportunities before me, and I’m an extremely cautious person. I mistrust unknowns and possibilities, which is maybe why I don’t like taking chances or making rash decisions. In two months, I could be across the country (if I’m lucky), and certainly once fall comes, I’ll be starting a whole new life somewhere (very anxious about that). Time continues to fly by, and soon I’ll be finished with my undergraduate studies, then my graduate studies, then my career or something like that. Why start a relationship when (if it lasts) it will inevitably turn into a long-distance relationship? Is love really worth it?
When I move, I intend on starting completely new, and in this case, that means no emotional connections keeping me from experiencing everything I can (with the exception of my family). So why is it that every so often some girl shows up that makes me question that, when I know full well why I don’t want to dedicate the time and energy that a healthy relationship deserves? I don’t even know her, so why bother? Feelings are stupid.
On the other hand, part of me knows that I need practice dating (I can’t even remember the last time I went on a date - if memory serves me correctly, it would have been around late 2012). But in that case, I’d be deliberately “testing the waters” if you will, and that might be a little fucked up when playing with someone’s emotions… I suppose all of this assumes that she would even go on a date with me to begin with. Ah, love. As logical as I try to be, somewhere buried is part of me that still feels and loves; some piece of me that rears its head every now and then and fucks with me. Damn chemicals driving a scientific man insane.
So I’ve been sick the past week, although it’s been worst over the past 3 days. As such, I’ve spent most of the last 72 hours sleeping, yet I feel like I’ve accomplished the same amount as I normally do during regular weekends. What does this say about my typical weekend habits?
I’m back! This was good experiment staying away from Tumblr.
Outside of Tumblr, I had my car fixed (it was the rear brakes) and also replaced the tires, so everything is squeaky clean. Last Friday, I attended an engineering career fair at Sac State, which was tiring but a good experience. I ran into my friend Andres Garcia from Jesuit, which was great. I have also finished “A Clash of Kings”, the second book in “A Song of Ice and Fire” series. However, I was hoping to have read up to the 4th book by the beginning of Season 4 of Game of Thrones, so I may try to postpone watching the 4th season when it airs. This past Sunday, this first episode of Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey aired, and it was absolutely fantastic.
Finally, today I took the first of three Statics exams. Overall, I felt very confident about it, although I know I made a small mistake on the first problem somewhere, and might have missed 5 extra credit points on the third, so I hope that doesn’t hold me back from getting a high A. Mostly, I’m just concerned about the competition within this class, and I’m guessing this exam won’t be scaled/curved much (if at all). But I think I did well regardless. Kinda scary how fast this semester is going.
Over the past few months/years, I’ve noticed I start developing bad habits when it comes to procrastination. I used to check Facebook, for example. Now I check the news on my laptop or Tumblr on my phone, neither of which really helps me get anything productive done. I’m very conscientious of the fact that I check the same websites every time I open my laptop, so I’ve decided to try and curb that habit. As for the phone, I’ll be logging out of Tumblr for the time being. I do mean to come back soon, but I want to see if I can be more efficient in small ways. In the meantime, enjoy the queue.
So, today I had fun trying to record the squeaking/grinding while I drove. This was a fairly good clip, plus I managed to remove most of the wind noise (since my phone was being held out the window while I recorded). I’ll probably end up taking the car back with this audio clip to play for them, but I’ll be doing my own research first.
So my brakes have been squeaky on and off for a while. I’ve never been able to diagnose a single problem, and neither have the mechanics when I’ve had the car checked (very frustrating!). About a week ago, I began to notice another squeaking noise, but this wasn’t from the brakes (so I kind of think). It mostly starts when I’m going at/above 40 mph and drive over a small bump or something in the road. Not pothole size or anything large, just regular bumps that one would normally give no consideration to while driving. It seems to be coming from the back left side, and has a different sound/pitch from the regular brake squeak (which is very loud and very clear). The new noise is hard to hear, and occurs with seemingly no particular reason sometimes, unless obviously a bump in the road. I took it in today, but they found nothing. So, more frustration at a lack of answers, once more.
However, I don’t think they heard it how I hear it. The mechanic was older, and when I test drove it, I could hear it a few times, but the guy seemed to thing it was something else or irrelevant. So, I guess we’ll see if something gets worse over the next few weeks… Hopefully not (I don’t want to spend any more money) but I don’t like the sound of things.
I need to do a 3-4 minute speech on Monday, with an object that I can present to the class. It has to be something I can describe (so that they can see it), or something I can show (so that they can see it), or both (so that they can see it). So far, I’ve thought of my lunchbox because it’s easy and functional. But I don’t know if I can bullshit about a lunchbox for 3 minutes. Anyone have better ideas?
I finally committed to a gym membership: 24 Hour Fitness. I’ve never been serious about going to the gym, so this will be an interesting experience. It’s weird to see so many people doing the exact same thing but everyone is in their own little world. Anyway, I have two buddies from school who have been showing me the ropes for the past two visits. So far, so good. No complaints from my lower back - very good. We’ll see if I can rehab and gain some mass at the same time. But for now, damn I’m sore. Feels good.
My summer internship search is leading me in circles, ugh. I’ve come across some of these websites at least 5 different times. I just need something to do this summer, since I can’t take classes (because if I did, they wouldn’t transfer for the fall semester). On the other hand, I won’t be able to just sit around all or take a part-time job either. But these internships, man. It’d be so much easier if I were a Junior or enrolled at a 4-year university. But I’m not yet, so my options are generally limited and competitive. I’m sure something will come along, I just hope I’ll be able to enjoy it and enjoy my summer while doing it.
I saw two Jesuit alumni today (Dean Yurica ‘10 and Chad Payne ‘11). Dean and I recognized each other in passing, but both of us just nodded our heads and said something like “Hey man, what’s going on?”, without stopping. I was initially surprised to see him at ARC, last I knew I thought he was at Hawaii. I saw Chad wearing a Jesuit sweatshirt from a distance and did my best Houdini, I’m a bit sorry to say. I just didn’t really want to talk to him, even though I heard him say, “Hey I think I know that guy from high school” to the friend he was talking with. I ducked into a nearby building (MESA, luckily), and was promptly called into a closed-door meeting, thank goodness (because I think Chad also came into MESA for a second - but I didn’t look behind me). So yeah. That happened today.
I got a 90.4% overall in my Circuits class. I had no idea I was so close to losing my 4.00 Engineering GPA. I don’t know why, but I’ve been feeling awkward about asking for letters of recommendation from my two professors that know me the best. After that grade, I feel like I let one of them down, coming so close to a B, especially after having the highest grade for most of the semester.
Yay? I suppose I’ve had more time off than a lot of other people I know. In many ways, I’m glad to get back to the daily grind. I definitely feel that I have new expectations of myself and the new year heading into the spring semester. Although in some ways I will be “winding down” heading into next fall (transferring), this semester will be jam-packed with even more college, scholarship, and internship applications, as well as numerous extracurricular and volunteer activities to keep me busy while I await decisions. I also want to start learning Japanese or Russian, but I have absolutely no idea when I’ll have time to really pursue that - at least, if I want to keep reading and having some time for myself.
Unfortunately, there will never be enough time to read everything, watch everything, and play everything. You’ve just got to feel good about something and go after it when the timing feels right. And I feel like I’ve been growing in regards to diagnosing the “right” outcome when I am confronted with choices. So I guess we’ll see what happens this semester. Last semester at ARC, woo!
I’ve been jogging the last two days. I’m very hopeful for my back, even though my doctor dismissed me and told me he has no idea what’s causing my pain. All he suggested was to try to be more active, and find ways that might relieve the pain or help recovery in some way. So basically, I’m on my own. However, I do feel more confident that I can control the pain and adjust my back when necessary - usually, but not always. I am once again considering a gym membership in order to help build strength in my lower back as opposed to just jogging around my neighborhood and doing pushups. I’d really love to be able to run around and be physical without worrying about negative repercussions. Maybe 2014 will be the year!
I can’t remember doing much last school year. Seriously, I’ve been trying to fill out scholarship applications and they’re like: “List all of the community service, extracurricular activities, and work experience over the past year.” And I can’t think of anything and it’s frustrating me. Not only do I not have anything to show except good grades, I also feel incredibly unsatisfied that I don’t recall much of the 2012-2013 school year.
Here’s what I do know:
Began having lower back issues early summer and essentially stopped working at Raley’s at the end of August (although I did not quit until Nov/Dec).
Did physical therapy and stuff during the fall and spring semesters.
Worked as a tutor 4 hours per week at MESA in the spring.
I went to a few math-club related competitions and meetings.
Volunteered to work the 2012 elections (in June and November)… and I just realized I think I was actually paid. Well, I’ve been putting that down as unpaid community service. Shit.
I spent a lot of time in the MESA building shooting the shit or studying with people last spring, but I don’t think that really counts.
I can’t think of anything else worth noting.
I’ve been involved in three different clubs this past fall, but I seriously need to do some community service. I also don’t know how to make any application/resume strong when I haven’t been doing anything. At least the year before that I was working a heavy schedule the entire school year. But I honestly have no idea how a whole school year of doing pretty much nothing happened. Balls.
There have been multiple police sirens and two helicopters (one police for sure - it had a searchlight) outside my house for the last 20 minutes. It was intriguing because they were just about two streets over but now it’s getting a little annoying. Apparently two armed robbers stole (at least) a car and bunch of nice cellphones and are now hiding somewhere in my neighborhood. Way to be. Last time this happened I was in eighth grade. The guy was hiding out in our side yard, so it’s a pretty interesting story, even though I wasn’t home to witness it.
Today I also had a chicken “burrito” that consisted of like a pound (I’m not even joking) of shredded chicken wrapped in a tortilla. Lots of protein, but not much flavor. Interesting day.
Cameron, Nina, Tommy, Katie and I went bowling tonight. Cam and Tommy Jones tied with 115 the first game, Cam won the second game with 115 and I won the third game with 125. Relaxed but chill night. Unfortunately, no Prince this time.
So my day is done. I don’t think I’ve felt so stressed in one day before. Two+ hour finals all day: Physics at 8am, Graphics at 12:45pm, and Differential Equations at 5:45pm. I left one problem blank in physics, but I feel mostly confident about the rest of that exam. Fairly sure I passed Differential Equations with more than enough to earn an “A”. Graphics was harder than I anticipated, I couldn’t figure out one of the problems, so there goes 25 points probably. Yuck. It’s a terrible feeling because I know I could have done solved it and now I can’t stop thinking about how to do it. I can only hope for a strong curve, assuming I did the other stuff correctly. Oh well, no use in worrying about it now. Just more final to go… Of course it’s also going to be the hardest of them all. Fun fun. Looking forward to winter break, it’s been a looong semester.
I’ve had a semi-crush on this cute girl from my calculus class last spring. As it turns out, she’s engaged. Pretty sure she’s younger than me too. WELL ANYWAY, absolutely zero potential female mates on my radar right now but I suppose that’s a good thing heading into the winter break.
And so, summer has finally ended, just how it began. By chance or not, the very beginning and end of my summer were marked by the same company of two close friends, EJ and Jeremy. I have had an interesting summer, although I imagine most summers throughout my life have been and will continue to be “interesting”, each in their own particular way. At this time, I can’t yet fully grasp all that has happened this summer. I’ve written it down and catalogued it for a later time, but it’s not for posting or reflection just yet.
This morning, I finished reading the Lord of the Rings (not including the appendices) for the very first time and have fallen in love with Middle-Earth. I’d like to read the Silmarillion sometime soon, but I think I will take my leave from Tolkien-lore for a short time to catch up on other good reads.
And now, autumn approaches, and I am looking forward to the changing of the seasons. I do particularly enjoy the fall and would usually consider it to be my favorite time of the year. I know not what the fall semester has in store for me, but I await the next few months with an open mind.
After a couple days filled with tumultuous anxiety, I decided I did not want to be obligated to work out for an entire year, and cancelled my contract with CFF. I did, in the meantime, investigate other local gyms to see their prices. 24 Hour Fitness is certainly my first choice, if I were to indeed begin a gym membership. However, right now my primary concern lies with beginning school on the right foot and getting a solid grasp on my classes and the transfer applications soon to come. Should be funsies.