Is it too much to ask for arranged relationships? Like mutual friends set up something? Jesus I’m awkward as fuck around cute girls I don’t know well.
I’m also at a stage in my life where I have a lot of opportunities before me, and I’m an extremely cautious person. I mistrust unknowns and possibilities, which is maybe why I don’t like taking chances or making rash decisions. In two months, I could be across the country (if I’m lucky), and certainly once fall comes, I’ll be starting a whole new life somewhere (very anxious about that). Time continues to fly by, and soon I’ll be finished with my undergraduate studies, then my graduate studies, then my career or something like that. Why start a relationship when (if it lasts) it will inevitably turn into a long-distance relationship? Is love really worth it?
When I move, I intend on starting completely new, and in this case, that means no emotional connections keeping me from experiencing everything I can (with the exception of my family). So why is it that every so often some girl shows up that makes me question that, when I know full well why I don’t want to dedicate the time and energy that a healthy relationship deserves? I don’t even know her, so why bother? Feelings are stupid.
On the other hand, part of me knows that I need practice dating (I can’t even remember the last time I went on a date - if memory serves me correctly, it would have been around late 2012). But in that case, I’d be deliberately “testing the waters” if you will, and that might be a little fucked up when playing with someone’s emotions… I suppose all of this assumes that she would even go on a date with me to begin with. Ah, love. As logical as I try to be, somewhere buried is part of me that still feels and loves; some piece of me that rears its head every now and then and fucks with me. Damn chemicals driving a scientific man insane.